Starting a conversation from scratch, with someone new especially, can feel really daunting if you’re not used to talking about the things you like. Fortunately, there are plenty of questionnaires online that you can print out and fill in together (google things like “kink inventory” or “sex questionnaire”). I believe there are even apps for that, where you and your partner can sign in, answer your questions separately, and then it comes back with information about how your play time preferences and curiosities might match up. (Someone help me though, I can’t remember the app name!)

Generally I’d say have those conversations outside of the play, so that you still “have your words.” However, if you trust someone enough to be nerdy (borderline clinical) with them, you can also just play a game of testing sensations and movements out on each other and giving feedback from a set of possible responses e.g. on a scale of 1 to 10, or red-yellow-green light, or “warmer! … okay, too warm.” Gamify things and step into the awkward !

First stab at advice-y stuff in the Fuckbucket files, we’ll be doing it from time to time now, so keep sending in your anonymous questions for us to try to help. Happy Friday, you fuckos!