… and I knew I had 2 solid hours before anyone would be there. As I’m going down on my girlfriend and she is about to cum, my mother walks through the door, my girlfriend cums, my life flashes before me because I know minutes are limited. About 5 min later my mom texts, “I went to walk the dog, spray some Febreeze before your dad gets home.” #GuiltyAndSmellingLikeFreshLinens.

(Editor’s note: it is not clear whether this randy duo is doing it in the living room and the mom sees, or up in the writer’s old bedroom and the mom just hears the girlfriend coming. I mean, awkward either way, right?)